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Mon, Aug 18, 2008 8:00 PM
First Day of Kindergarten:
One For the Record Books (A Timeline of Today's Events)

6:30 AM: I wake Calvin up to get him ready for his first day of "big kid" school.

6:40 AM: I finally grease the walls to keep Calvin from climbing them.

6:41 AM: He finally settles down enough to brush his teeth and start getting dressed.

6:55 AM: Calvin and I head outside to take pictures of his first day of "big kid" school.

7:05 AM: We pull out of the driveway and are on our way.

7:30 AM: We drop Joep off at work and I slip a horse tranquilizer into Calvin's water to take the edge off.

7:31 AM: I take one as well.

7:55 AM: We arrive at his school and the car explodes from all the pent up excitement.

7:57 AM: I wait in the school's office to pay for Calvin's lunches this month.

8:10 AM: I sign Calvin in for his Kids' Club.

8:11 AM: I give Calvin a hug good-bye and turn him loose on the school system.

8:30 AM: I arrive at work and immediately begin to wonder how he's doing.

4:00 PM: Busting with excitement, I head out to pick up the little dude.

4:10 PM: I arrive at the school and am pleased to see it still in one piece.

4:12 PM: I arrive at the Kids' Club location and look for a white-haired tornado to greet me.

4:13 PM: I ask the Kids' Club director where to sign out my son and am a little surprised to hear that she hasn't seen him since morning.

4:14 PM: We head downstairs to Calvin's classroom to see if he's with his teacher still.

4:14 PM: I wonder to myself what he did to get "detention" on his first day of Kindergarten.

4:15 PM: I meet Calvin's teacher and learn my 5-year-old son got on the school bus a little under an hour ago.

4:15 PM: My head messily explodes.

4:16 PM: Somewhere, a janitor cries.

This is what follows:

Me: "WHAT?! He's not supposed to ride the bus. We never signed him up the for the bus. He is registered for Kids' Club. Why is he on the bus and NOT IN KIDS' CLUB?"

Teacher: "I thought he was to ride the bus?"

Me: "WE. NEVER. SIGNED. HIM. UP. FOR. THE. BUS. He is only registered for Kids' Club. I saw his name on there this morning. WHY IS HE ON THE BUS AND WHERE IS IT GOING?"

Teacher: "Let's go get the principal."

4:17 PM: Calvin's teacher flags down the principal and explains the situation.

4:18 PM: I suddenly realize my eyes are dangerously close to falling out of my head. I make a conscious effort to keep them where they belong.

4:19 PM: The principal calls various bus drivers to find out where my son is. This is what follows:

Principal: "I think he got off at 9th & Madison."

Me: "I don't even know where that is. We live on a street nearly 30 blocks west of that."

Teacher: *rattles off our address for the THIRD TIME*

Principal: "Ok, his stop is at (intersection right by our house)."

Me: "AND? Where is he?"

Principal: "He got off the bus."

4:22 PM: My head creates another messy geyser.

4:22 PM: Somewhere, a janitor swears.

Me: "How long ago was he dropped off?"

Principal: "Less than a minute ago."

4:23 PM: I literally run for the front doors of the school, vaguely aware that the principal's reaction to the situation consisted solely of, "sorry...".

4:23 1/2 PM: I reach the car and take off.

4:23 3/4 PM: I break the current land-speed record.

4:24 PM: I vow to spread nasty rumors about the stoplight's mother unless it changes to green RIGHT NOW.

4:25 PM: I wonder to myself if I'll be picked up for speeding and if so, would I go to jail for refusing to pull over long enough to tell the police why I'm doing 60 in a 25?

4:26 PM: I wonder what it's like to be someone's bitch in prison.

4:28 PM: I turn onto our street and nearly cry when I fail to see a white-haired tornado on the corner or our front porch.

4:29 PM: I screech into the driveway and throw open the door while screaming Calvin's name; wondering if he's nearby.

4:29 1/2 PM: I pound on our neighbor's door and nearly fall over when she opens the door to tell me that Calvin is safe and with them and everything's OK.

4:30 PM: I fall over myself thanking them for being there and for taking care of him and then spend the next 5 minutes squeezing my little beanpole and assuring him he is not in trouble.

4:35 PM: I call Joep from the road and tell him that Calvin is in the car, is OK, was at our neighbor's house, and that we are on our way to pick him up.

4:40 PM: I call my mom to tell her what happened.

4:42 PM: I have 911 on hold in case my mom's head has the same idea mine had.

4:44 PM: I hang up and all is well. I realize my hands won't stop shaking.

7:30 PM: My hands finally stop shaking.

I guess you could say Calvin's first day of Kindergarten was memorable in more ways than one. I don't know what I'm going to do about his school. A lot of balls were dropped this afternoon and I need to make sure this won't happen again. In the meantime, my little dude is safe and sound at home and is ready for his second day of Kindergarten.

I'll let you know when we get there.

Comments:
Maaike: OMG! I'm nearly having a nervous breakdown! You must have been terrified! How about the little monkey? Wasn't it like, weird for him too? HUGS

Virginia: Hi Bart!

Bart: OMG!! No words...!

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