The Calvinator

July 2007

  • Mon, Jul 23, 2007 7:00 AM

    Alarm Clock

    Joep & I were awakened early Sunday morning by the faint sound of whimpering; not entirely unlike a sad puppy who is in desperate need of attention.

    Turns out it was just Calvin lamenting the fact that Grandma was no longer spoiling him. His lamenting woke us up at the ungodly hour of 7:00 AM (which is ungodly to us after having the entire week to sleep in), which therefore rendered me unable to cough up any sympathy.

    It continued throughout the day and into the evening. It followed us to the grocery store; up and down the aisles, each one darker than the last for it didn't have what Calvin really wanted: Grandma to be here for proper spoiling.

    And just in case we forgot or had let the last 20 times slip our memories, Calvin reminded us every 10 minutes or so that he, in fact, still missed Grandma. You know, in case that fork I stuck in my ear hadn't completely punctured my ear drum and he could tell me one more time.

    And just in case the whimpering didn't make his point clearly enough, Calvin also carried around an old picture of him and Grandma; an excellent prop to demonstrate just how much he missed Grandma. You know, in case we accidentally went deaf - at least we could still SEE his plight.

    I know Mom's reading this right now with the phone to her ear, contacting her lawyer to have me removed from the will for torturing her so. But I'm just going to go ahead and consider it payback for the last 24 hours of Calvin self-pity. I know she still owes me payback for 18+ years of hell I put her through, but I never was one to play fair.

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