The Calvinator

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< > May 2007

• Sat, May 12, 2007 8:00 PM

  My Boy
  
  I love my son. Of course, that goes without saying. However, there are times when my heart swells, choirs burst forth and the sky opens just for me.
  
  The other day was one of those times. Picture, if you will, the following scenario:
  
  Calvin & Joep are in the kitchen in the morning. Calvin asks his father for a banana for breakfast. Joep hands him a banana that, much to Calvin's dismay, does NOT have a sticker on it. Calvin asks his father if he could please have a banana with a sticker on it, AS IF HE SHOULD HAVE TO ASK.
  
  Joep, not wanting to die on this particular hill, eats the non-stickered banana and gives Calvin the superior stickered banana.
  
  Calvin immediately removes the sticker, hands it to Joep, asks him if he could please throw it away, and goes on his merry way.
  
  Joep proceeds to create several craters on the kitchen counter tops with his forehead.
  
  Do you hear that? That's the choir I was telling you about earlier. God, I love this kid.

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• Mon, May 7, 2007 10:00 PM

  Political Debate
  
  Calvin is 4 years old now, and with age comes wisdom. And an increasing vocabulary range. Most of the time, he does just fine; only occasionally using the wrong verb tense or pronoun, however, that will come with practice.
  
  Plus, those just aren't funny enough to mention unless they are mentioned just to showcase a particularly adorable flub. And what better flub to describe than one that's adorably said with great sincerity and stoicism?
  
  Example: All 3 of us were hanging out in the living room this weekend when a commercial came on promoting healthy lifestyles and eating habits. Specifically, the commercial dealt with eating right.
  
  Calvin was listening very intently; determined to take as much information from this commercial as he could. And since Calvin is incapable of being a spectator (oh no, he does much better as a commentator, a play-by-play-er, because that involves as much talking as possible), he offered the following comment regarding eating right:
  
  “I like to eat right! Yeah, because I don’t want to eat left.”
  
  And he’s right, you know. You gotta watch out for those liberals.

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• Wed, May 2, 2007 11:00 PM

  Where Is His "Off" Button?
  
  Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama?
  
  Whyyyy?????
  
  Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama?
  
  Ummmm....
  
  Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama? Hey Mama?
  
  Whyyy???
  
  
  
  Welcome to the last 24 hours of my life.
  
  Running away? Coward.

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