The Calvinator

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< > January 2006

• Mon, Jan 23, 2006 6:00 AM

  Meow.
  
  As most of you know, Calvin now accompanies me on my commute to work so I can drop him off at school. Since I speak maybe 0.001% Dutch and, therefore, cannot help him absorb more of the Dutch language, Joep made a CD of stories in Dutch that I play in the car on the way to and from work.
  
  Obviously, I don’t understand what’s going on most of the time. Oh sure, I can sometimes makes out a word here and there, but as far as I’m concerned, Joep could have made a CD full of evil stories about mothers; surely turning Calvin against me. But I’m not paranoid.
  
  At any rate, while I don’t understand what’s being said, I definitely understand the sound effects that are added to the stories. In fact, my hearing is so good that while driving along the INTERSTATE one day, I began to hear furious meowing all over the place and I panicked; thinking one of the girls had somehow gotten in the car or that there was some cat stuck to my front fender and I was all prepared to drive myself to the hospital to be committed.
  
  I was seriously freaking out until I finally realized that the meowing was coming from the CD. Apparently, it was some story about cats or animals or something like that, but I was too busy jerking the car back onto the road and collecting what was left of my sanity to pay much attention.
  
  I then realized that I am going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE when Calvin gets older and begins speaking more fluent Dutch. He and Joep are going to be able to say pretty much whatever they want and I will sit by in not-so-blissful ignorance. I think it’s safe to say that if my paranoia hasn’t already reached record levels, it will soon enough.
  
  Except it’s a moot point, because like I said, I’m not paranoid. Nope.

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• Sun, Jan 22, 2006 4:00 PM

  Who Taught Calvin To Read?
  
  This afternoon, Calvin asked to push the buttON as I did laundry. Clearly someone has taught him to read and showed him how to get to this website.
  
  Thanks a LOT. He's never going to forgive me for all those nakie photos.

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• Fri, Jan 6, 2006 8:00 PM

  Psst, Calvin:
  
  It's buttON, not butt. When Mama's doing the laundry, you ask to push the buttON, not the butt.
  
  People will look at you funny when you ask to push the butt. Just ask your father.

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