The Calvinator

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< > September 2005

• Mon, Sep 5, 2005 2:00 PM

  At Least We Won't Have Poopy Diapers to Change For A While
  
  So we're enjoying our 3-day weekend; Joep with his X-box, me with the girls, when I notice Calvin has become suspiciously quiet (and by "suspiciously quiet", I mean "no longer breaking sound barriers").
  
  I come out to the living room to investigate and I see Calvin with half his body on the floor, half on the loveseat with his head hidden between 2 throw pillows. At first I thought he may be sleeping, but realized otherwise. I tip-toed up and tickled his side and he popped his head up to grin at me, "Hi, Mama!"
  
  I lift one of the pillows to peek at what's under there as Calvin scrambles to hide whatever evidence I'm about to see. And what do I see?
  
  Why, I see roughly 8 empty gum wrappers and NO GUM IN SIGHT. NO. GUM. ANYWHERE. Chewed or otherwise. NONE.
  
  It doesn't take me long to realize that there are roughly 8 sticks of chewed gum forming an impenetrable layer in Calvin's stomach lining. Calvin is blissfully unaware of the constipation that awaits him these next few days.
  
  Rather, he's laughing right along with me because I can't stop it long enough to be a proper parent. Neither can Joep.
  
  So we pick up the wrappers and look for any chewed gum just in case there's any left in the couch. Nope. We then tell Calvin he is to stay OUT OF MY PURSE for the 3,000th time, knowing full well it's not going to do any good, and that unless *I* learn *my* lesson and start keeping my purse up high, there will most likely be a 4,000th lecture in the near future.
  
  So Calvin is currently on a steady diet of grapes and fiber to see if we can at least start to break up some of that gum. We're currently on Poop Watch 2005. Don't worry, I won't keep you updated.
  
  Unless you really want me to, in which case, I don't want to know about it.

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