The Calvinator » April 2005 Journal Entries » AboutMyBaby - online baby scrapbooks, photo albums, videos, birth and pregnancy announcements

< > April 2005

Sat, Apr 30, 2005 10:00 PM
I'm Not Sure If I Should Be Offended... Or Amused.

Calvin is going to grow up to be an excellent housekeeper. I say this because I was the messiest kid you've ever met (just ask my mom) and didn't start being good about cleaning until I bore a child of my own. It took me 25 years to finally say, "OK, OK, I guess I'd better start cleaning this place up!"

Calvin is only 2 and has been showing obsessive cleaning tendencies since he was about 18 months old. Which means by the time he reaches my age, he'll be following people around with a can of Pledge and a dustrag. That is until they lock him up.

Calvin is a neat freak. Case in point: A little over a year ago, I went to THREE DIFFERENT TOYS R US STORES in search of a certain toy that Calvin was in love with. A small red plastic Dirt Devil vacuum. I went to the Toys R Us nearest to me but they were sold out and wouldn't expect anymore in for another month or so.

So I went to the next closest Toys R Us, which I'd like to point out, was 20 minutes away from the first one. They were out as well and didn't know when they'd have more in. They did, however, have the audacity to offer me a different child's vacuum. One that SO WASN'T the red plastic Dirt Devil brand. Unfortunately for me, they didn't know just how picky our son is and that he wouldn't settle for anything less than a damn red plastic Dirt Devil vacuum.

So off I went to the third Toys R Us in the area. This one, I'd like to point out, was about 40 minutes away from the 2nd store and NOT EVEN IN THE SAME STATE. (Don't say I never did anything for you, Calvin.) Thankfully, before I left, the nice (albeit naive) people in the last store offered to call this next store ahead to make sure they had these vacuums in stock before I blew more money on gas in vain.

AND BY GOD, THEY DID! So I begged them to beg the next store to PLEASE please hold one for me and that I'd be there as soon as I could, DON'T YOU DARE SELL IT TO ANYONE ELSE.

I drive to the last store, park the car, walk inside, ask the nearest salesperson where the plastic red Dirt Devil vacuums are and she points me to aisle 3, where I spot no less than FIFTY vacuums of the plastic red variety.

Apparently people who lived near this store didn't appreciate the true value of a block of red plastic. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I made my purchase and went home to what was the happiest baby in the whole wide world.

Fast forward to present day, where Calvin still holds a special place in his heart for his plastic red Dirt Devil. So much so, that whenever he sees me so much as flinch towards the coat closet to get my vacuum, he appears within SECONDS with his vacuum. And he then proceeds to follow me over every square inch that I vacuum with my real vacuum. You know, just in case I miss anything that his fake vacuum will totally pick up.

The moment I kill the vauum motor, Calvin races for the outlet and unplugs my vacuum for me so I can roll up the wire. THEN he proceeds to re-vacuum the entire space no less than 3 or 4 times because I obvioulsy suck at vacuuming.

He did this today as we spent the day cleaning up the house. He vacuumed his little heart out long after my vacuum cooled off in the coat closet. As I sit here typing this, I'm still trying to decide if I should be thankful that he will be a neat person, or insulted that my vacuuming doesn't hold up to my 2-year-old's standards.

And if he's this bad now, what will he be like in 10 years? DEAR GOD, I'LL NEVER HAVE TO CLEAN AGAIN!

Comments:

Add a comment:

Name: Email:
Comment:

Notify me of scrapbook updates
Mon, Apr 18, 2005 8:00 PM
I Am My Grandma's Granddaughter!

Compliments of a local retailer, Joep & I are now the proud owners of a brand spankin' new pair of hair clippers.

I know what you're thinking. This is hardly news. Shoot, this isn't even worth reading, g'bye! But wait! Come back! It is worth reading, and I'll tell you why.

We bought MAGIC hair clippers. No, really! We did! They're magic hair clippers in the sense that they have completely transformed our son, He Who Never Sits Still. Ever.

Last summer, when we cut off a piece of my mom's heart by buzzing Calvin's baby curls, we embarked on the first of many not-so-fun salon visits. There's something about that big scary chair surrounded by scissors and loud razors that doesn't exactly appeal to Calvin and he lets us know this in his own special way. He gets pissy and squirmy and whiny and just generally TODDLER-LIKE.

So when Joep sat down on the chair in the kitchen, Calvin watched in absolute jealous amazement as I cut Joep's hair. At one point, Joep got up to look in the mirror and Calvin scrambled up into that chair faster than you can say, "KATHLEEN, YOU SHAVED ME BALD!"

Joep came back so I could finish the sides and made the unfortunate mistake of removing Calvin from the chair AGAINST HIS WILL. Calvin screamed, kicked his legs and stomped into the living room where he took his frustrations out on an innocent throw pillow. Poor pillow.

I couldn't believe it - Calvin WANTED his hair cut! He WANTED to allow a noisy, interchanging set of blades pressed against his scalp by his inexperienced mother. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

After Joep was done, Calvin magically reappeared in the chair, ready to be groomed. This is where the magic happened. He HELD STILL while I shaved the back and top. He HELD STILL while I turned his head from side to side as my inexperienced self surveyed the damage. He finally got squirmy towards the end when he determined that HE should go ahead and finish his hair on his own. Unfortunately for him, I wouldn't let him. I realize the razor makes it super easy to cut someone's hair, but sometimes Calvin can't get the applesauce from the bowl to his mouth without launching it across the room, so you can understand why I didn't think he should cut his own hair just yet.

Ok, so I know Joep sometimes can't get the applesauce from the bowl to his mouth without launching it across the room, either, but AHA! I'M the one who cut his hair, remember? And I have yet to launch my applesauce across the room so it's OK.

At any rate, I finally talked Calvin into letting me finish his hair. It's a little shorter than I'd originally wanted, but then I remembered that we have an interminably hot baby. This kid gets hotter than any other human I've ever known and since summer is just around the corner, it's probably better that he maintains as short a hairstyle as fashionable for now.

So, as you can clearly see, this razor is a magic razor. My child doesn't sit still for a regular old razor, oh no. It just doesn't happen. Not only did Calvin sit still long enough for me to cut his hair, but he let Joep touch it up a little bit later even (since Joep hasn't launched applesauce in a very long time, I figured it was OK).

I suppose you could argue that perhaps Calvin is just maturing a bit, but then I'd have to point out the fact that prying that damn lawnmower from his hands last night when it was bedtime set off every car alarm in a 10 block area and I'd win the argument. Unfortuantely.

P.S. Photos will follow shortly, so you just refrain from calling, emailing, and/or otherwise contacting us merely to point out that this website needs more photos.

Comments:

Add a comment:

Name: Email:
Comment:

Notify me of scrapbook updates
Thu, Apr 7, 2005 8:00 AM
Ouch, Part II

This morning Calvin managed to sneak a toy out of the house and into the car on the way to dayprison without either Joep or me noticing it. I normally don't let him bring toys to dayprison because any type of contraband brought in triggers prison fights that your average warden simply cannot break up.

Well, this morning Calvin snuck out his Easter Spongebob toy without my knowledge until we were parked in the driveway of his dayprison. NO WAY was I getting that toy out of his hands without setting off the county warning sirens again, so I asked Liz if it was OK if Calvin brought in a toy this morning. Liz has had years as a prison warden breaking up fights, so she's an old pro at this. Of course she said it was just fine and I should let him bring toys in the future if he wanted. Thankfully I covered Calvin's ears up before he heard that.

So I let Calvin bring in the Spongebob and prepared for another round of tears and, "Peas, Mama, no bye-bye!" and general shattering of my heart. However, there was nothing of the sort. Calvin had his Spongebob and that was apparently far better than having his mom because he not only willingly let me leave, he SHUT THE DOOR ON MY ASS AS I WALKED OUT, calling after me, "bye bye Mama!"

Once again, wouldn't it be easier to just shove your fist through my chest, rip out my heart and stomp on it for a bit?

Comments:

Add a comment:

Name: Email:
Comment:

Notify me of scrapbook updates
Tue, Apr 5, 2005 5:00 PM
Ouch.

Calvin has started to get upset and cry when I drop him off at dayprison in the mornings.

Wouldn't it just be easier to shove your fist through my chest, rip out my heart and stomp on it for a bit?

Comments:

Add a comment:

Name: Email:
Comment:

Notify me of scrapbook updates