The Calvinator

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< > February 2005

• Mon, Feb 14, 2005 8:00 AM

  The World Is Calvin's Kleenex
  
  Much to our delight, Calvin is super vigilant about wiping his nose when it begins to run. Hooray! I'm raising another obsessive-compulsive human!
  
  Much to our chagrin, however, Calvin considers everything quilted or fabric to be an adequate snot remover. Including the bed sheets ON MY SIDE OF THE BED, MY pajama pants, MY t-shirts and MY pillow.
  
  Lucky for him, he's been extra cute lately, what with waking up from his naps in a good mood and all (weekday mornings are a whole other ballgame), so he's forgiven. But the moment he loses that extra cuteness, I'm totally going to wipe my nose on him.

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• Fri, Feb 11, 2005 8:00 PM

  Calvin's First Crisis Lesson (a.k.a. Things I've Learned Myself Today)
  
  I've learned, and I will teach Calvin...
  
  1. ...that birds sometimes find a way to get into your home.
  
  2. ...that you will never find out how or where.
  
  3. ...therefore, it will happen on multiple occasions as we've recently discovered.
  
  4. ...Multi-Surface Windex works delightfully well on dried bird poop on KITCHEN COUNTERTOPS.
  
  5. ...Multi-Surface Windex works even better on dried bird poop streaked down the front of a fridge.
  
  6. ...what the inside of a toaster looks like whilst searching for bird poop.
  
  7. ...that lids are a wonderful invention.
  
  8. ...the true meaning of paranoia as one ponders where else a frightened bird might make multiple deposits in one's home.
  
  9. ...that birds poop A LOT.
  
  10. ...that birds tend to consider a closed window equal to an open door.
  
  11. ...birds are dumb.
  
  12. ...it's OK if your father is a little bit afraid of a trapped bird.
  
  13. ...it's not nice to laugh at someone who's kind enough to make an effort to free a trapped bird.
  
  After today, Calvin will be fully prepared on what to do should he ever come across a trapped bird in his home.
  
  Exactly the opposite of what his parents do.

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• Wed, Feb 2, 2005 8:00 AM

  Punxsutawney Calvin
  
  Today is Groundhog Day, and as most of you know, we're supposedly in for another 6 weeks of winter. Fortunately, I'm going to have to disagree, for we have our own version of Punxsutawney Phil here in Nebraska, and his name is Punxsutawney Calvin (yeah, I know we don't live in Punxsutawney, but Omaha Calvin just doesn't have the same "ring" to it).
  
  Calvin woke up this morning at 7:00 am after not going to sleep last night until after 10:00 PM. TEN O'CLOCK PEE EMM. I don't know what his issue with Sleep was last night (he usually goes to bed without incident at 8:00 pm), but Sleep must have done something to piss him off, because Calvin wanted nothing to do with it.
  
  In fact, he laid in his crib last night and carried on long, drawn-out conversations with the wall, completely ignoring Sleep. But Sleep didn't care. So Calvin continued to hold conversations with the wall and the ceiling and the bars on his crib (oh, how jail-like!) until we'd finally had enough and let him out since we don't want him to associate his crib with play-time.
  
  Anyway, as I said before, he finally dozed off on his own around 10:00 pm and woke up ON HIS OWN at 7:00 this morning. And he was CHEERFUL. My god, he was downright chipper. He ate his breakfast while throwing toddler smiles my way as I got ready for work. His bright, sparkly blue eyes held no trace of morning grumpiness or his usual woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-crib syndrome.
  
  Calvin was in rare form this morning and when I dropped him off at day prison, even Liz asked if I'd accidentally brought the wrong toddler in with me. He was THAT cheery.
  
  Therefore, considering the date and the history of the February 2nd legend and Calvin's unusual demeanor this morning, I can only conclude that Punxsutawney Phil was wrong. Clearly, my child's behavior this morning was indicative of an early spring. Six more weeks of winter, be damned. Calvin woke up in a GOOD MOOD. If that isn't proof enough of an early spring, well I don't know what is.

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