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Thu, Oct 7, 2004 11:21 AM
Baby Concussion

The other night, Joep comes running out of the bedroom in a panic and tells me to feel the back of Calvin's head. (Note: This is never what a mom wants to hear.)

I didn't WANT to feel the back of Calvin's head. For all I knew, Joep had planted a booby-trap on Calvin's skull that would clench down on my fingers, severing them for good. All in the name of practical jokes. Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses their fingers.

But I felt it anyway and there I found the hugest, most grossest, most ginormous, most bulging, most purplish, most gag-inducing, most tender goose egg I've ever felt in my life. Calvin didn't even flinch. Well, he didn't like being held down so I could poke around his skull, but touching the actual goose egg didn't seem to inflict pain.

Since Joep and I don't remember him bumping the back of his head on anything, we immediately turned into the 3 stooges (I was Moe) and stumbled around the house, bumping into each other and other things in an attempt to get Calvin dressed and to the hospital to GET THIS THING CHECKED OUT.

This was fairly late in the evening and we could have taken him to his ped's office the next morning, but we were worried. We wanted to make sure it wasn't anything super-serious. You know, like a nest of baby spiders ready to hatch or a Schwarzenegger-worthy TOOMER that was prepared to annex Calvin's entire head.

So we carted him off to Alegent and was seen within minutes by the most wonderful doctor ever known to man. After he injected both Joep and I with a horse-strength sedative to CALM US DOWN, he explained it was nothing more than a hematoma; a collection of blood. Most likely, he said, Calvin just bumped his head hard enough in just the right spot to cause the blood to pool, but not hard enough to make him cry (thank you, Detrick steel head genes).

He told us to watch for any unusual behavior like vomiting, strange pupil dilation, spider-walking on the walls, speaking in tongues, etc., and sent us on our way. And Calvin even scored TWO SPONGEBOB STICKERS!

Since Calvin was such a trooper and we were still drugged from the sedatives, we stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home and got Calvin his very own baby vanilla ice cream cone for being the only one in the group to remain calm.

We also found out while at the hospital that Calvin has surpassed the 30-lb mark. Which means that he can no longer rear-face in his car seat. So we turned him around that evening so Calvin can now see out the front window just like us!

He can see the cars and people and buildings and all sorts of awesome, scary things that Mom and Dad get to see every day. This also means he can throw things up to the front whenever he needs to get our attention. Which is a lot.

Needless to say, we've completely cleared the backseat of anything that can be used as a weapon. We don't need another trip to Alegent to treat a goose egg on Joep's or my head. There's no guarantee that we won't completely freak out and make a scene in the waiting room. And then we totally won't get Spongebob stickers. And most definitely not Dairy Queen.

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Fri, Oct 1, 2004 7:00 AM
Wheeeeeeee! (And other new words.)

Calvin's vocabulary is ever-expanding these days. Unfortunately, Joep & I are the only ones who understand these new words. But Calvin really IS saying these words, I swear! I'm not delusional! Not this time anyway.

Much to Grandma Linda's delight, we swear Calvin is saying, "Damn Dad!" when he throws his temper tantrums. He doesn't say, "Damn Mama!", however, but I believe this is purely because he refuses to say, "Mama", period. So it's anyone's guess as to who he's bitching out when he's throwing his fits. Most times Joep & I just toss a coin and go from there.

Calvin also has added, "Wheeeee!" to his short list of words. He only does this, however, when we make turns in the car on trips. Which means he says, "Wheeeee!" every 2.3 seconds. Because, let's face it: I'M driving.

Which reminds me, Mom, how's that nervous tick doing? Are the nightmares getting any better? Ahh, I'm only kidding. Mom doesn't have nightmares. Anymore.

Calvin is also finally saying, "Bye-bye" now. He's been WAVING bye-bye like a regular Queen of England for some time now, but never apparently felt the need to actually verbally express his farewell.

Liz (daycare provider) has also taught Calvin how to shake hands. She's also taught him to sit, roll over and play dead, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, all you have to do is ask Calvin, "How do you do?" and he sticks out his left hand like a little gentleman. Of course we have to then remind him that you shake with your right hand, but he doesn't always take to that very well. But we've already covered the Mama Moody Genes phenomena before, so we'll just move right along.

We've been working with Calvin on a few Dutch words in preparation for our trip to the Netherlands in a couple months. No luck so far, but we have high hopes. Grandpa and Grandma in Dutch is, 'Opa' and 'Oma', so it's not like we're asking him to learn words like, "Czechoslovakia" or "methoxyphenoxy". So it's just frustrating when Calvin says, "methoxyphenoxy" clear as day, but refuses to say "Oma".

Little stubborn, genius turd.

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